Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Literature / Hobbyist Shelby25/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 1 Deviation 666 Comments 3,334 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Activity


deviantID

OokamiNoUta's Profile Picture
OokamiNoUta
Shelby
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
23/Female/Wannabe Writer/Bisexual/INFP/Cancer. Struggled with depression/self worth/self esteem for years, and I am trying to write again, since I always seemed to have a knack for it. Please keep this in mind when reading my work. I might be a bit rusty, but I plan on getting much better, hopefully.

Reviews (especially ones containing constructive criticism) give me life and are much appreciated. :) I also do short prompts on my Tumblr. Link below.

AO3: archiveofourown.org/users/Kore…
Fanfiction.Net: www.fanfiction.net/u/838562/Ko…
Interests
Like a dog worrying a bone. It has eaten away at me, bit by bit, for so long. It almost made me kill myself. I have felt so filthy, so unworthy of happiness, a whore, a bitch, I could see nothing else. Only the nightmares and the flashbacks, the panic attacks, being so completely and utterly alone. Knowing from the beginning that it was not right, but I trusted, I believed, I followed suit. I was so, so confused. After 'waking up,' I realize looking back just how childlike of a mentality I possessed. I am still sorely behind in life, and rushing to catch up. But then, I did not understand what happened, for a long, long time. It was so much jumbled confusion. As I said, I knew it would be frowned upon, but I was assured that it was being done out of love and that he was helping me with this monstrous thing that had been stuck on me. Now I wonder how much of that thing truly existed, or it was simply a reflection of myself back then. It could have been my own personal demon that I had given birth to. But I looked up to this man, loved him like a father. I could not fathom it be anything else. Back then, I could not ever conceive of the notion that those I loved could still use and take advantage just like anyone else. I took the blame, because everything was my fault back then. I was an evil, dastardly creature, who would expect anything different? Who would believe me anyway? I did not want to be responsible for tearing a family I deeply cared for asunder. I accepted the role that was given to me, and believed that I had moved on. But I know now, if I hadn't confronted what happened, I would never move on. I can act like I have all I wish, but it's a lie. I have told no one, and I plan on keeping it that way. This release is for my peace, and that alone. 

I have reflected deeply upon those memories, those which I pushed and pushed and pushed to forget, to pretend never existed. I still have trouble figuring out precisely what happened (I think my brain actually succeeded in blacking some of it out), but I know this. I was a young adult, but probably a tween in mind. I blindly followed someone I never could have thought would do what he tried to do, but I know now that it obviously wasn't to help me. I am not saying that I was blameless in this, by any means, but I was violated. And then despised and shunned for it. At the time, I had no idea what the fuck was going on, I just kept after the love and acceptance that I had known before, though I think that that died before this occurred. I am not going to feel like a horrific human being for this any longer. I am not going to hide from what happened. No one would ever believe me, probably, but I don't give a damn about that. I am not going to keep holding back. Though everyone has tried to tell me differently, and I began believing it myself, I know that I am a wonderful person with so much potential, and the only person holding me back is that ugly, twisted black thing that I created in my own image. I set fire to it. I destroy it, incinerate it from my being. 

AdCast - Ads from the Community

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconsasukefan1029:
Sasukefan1029 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015  Student Writer
Hello, I have read alot of your stories/gallery and was wondering if you would like to join my group. It is called :iconthe-writers-resort: It's a group for all writers from Fan-fiction writers to Original story writers. We welcome all and judge none, when asked we can offer help with anything from plot lines to character designs. Our slogan is come and relax at The Writer's Resort.
Reply
:iconookaminouta:
OokamiNoUta Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
That sounds lovely! I would be honored. :)
Reply
:iconsasukefan1029:
Sasukefan1029 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015  Student Writer
Awesome welcome to the group! Feel free to submit anything as log as it goes in the the right folder. Also just so you know today I started a contest to be an admin in the group the rules are in the journal.
Reply
:iconphsbarbie:
Phsbarbie Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fave!
Reply
:iconsandramalie:
Sandramalie Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Hey, thanks a bunch for the watch! :D
Reply
:iconblackcherryangel:
blackcherryangel Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the :+devwatch:
Reply
:iconsarahrieker:
SarahRieker Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014   Digital Artist
Kaori Fujimiya (Total Shy and Blush) [V1] thank you for the fave!
Reply
:iconookaminouta:
OokamiNoUta Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! Very nice artwork!
Reply
:iconsarahrieker:
SarahRieker Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014   Digital Artist
thank you so much! :D
Reply
:iconfddt:
fddt Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks for the fav :) (Smile)
Reply
Add a Comment: